FINAL PROJECT!!!! =)

In my argument essay, I tried to convince TCU pre-business students to apply for the Neeley Fellows Program. I wrote it as a letter informing them of the benefits they would receive through this. I focused my paper on three main things: Personal, Connected, and Real which is a slogan of the program.

I decided that something that could combine images and a good amount of words would be most effective in getting my argument across. Since it is not a well known topic and program, just an image would not get across the point very well I don't think. Also, college students don't want to sit down and read something, so, what I have decided to do is make a story board (or an actual video I don't know if I will go that far) for a promotional DVD or commercial advocating this program. I will use pictures from current Neeley Fellows that I am friends with and will record a voice over that and have main words flash across the screen like personal, connected and real. And possibly some quotes. My inspiration was actually the Marine commercials.

Thinking through this whole process made me think through what would most appeal to students. As I thought about my audience and what would be most effective to them, I finally decided to do this rather than just a brochure because young people are very visual and sometimes it takes seeing an image to inspire you to do something. I also thought that by doing a DVD I could expand my audience to prospective TCU business students. Because when I was applying to TCU they sent me all sorts of DVDs that I would much rather see than read a letter about it. I am trying to appeal using pathos because I want them to see what this program can do for you and make them want to join. (just like the marine commercials!)

Topic for Argument Essay

My topic for my argument essay is The Neeley Fellows Program which is a program for Business majors. I want to write about this topic because I am trying to decide whether I want to apply for it in a couple of weeks or not. I don't think I will have any problems finding information about it because since I am a pre-business major, I know upper classmen who are in Neeley Fellows and can give me advice. However, I don't feel like it is a really broad topic that will be hard to cover. This is a very recent and much talked about topic among pre-business majors right now because the forms are due soon. I have heard that some Fellows really discourage people joining because they don't think it is worth it, while others seem to really enjoy it and encourage freshmen to join. Although this is a personal decision that has to be made by each individual, I hope that I can not only help myself find what I should do, but also inform other pre-business majors about what the program is about so they can decide if they want to apply or not.

Ethnographic Essay Topic

The group I am going to research for my ethnographic essay is firefighters/paramedics, specifically Garland Firemen at a particular station (I think its number 6). I decided on this topic because I know someone in the Garland Fire Department and I have visited before and it seems like an interesting group to observe and learn about. I also think they will be very open to me interviewing them and will give me honest responses. It is readily accessible to me since I know one of the fireman, and they all meet at the same station when they work so I will be able to visit it. And obviously I am not a member of this subculture. This fits the qualifications because I know one of the firemen and by talking to him it is apparent that they definitely see themselves as a distinct group, not just of firemen but they also distinguish themselves by station. They all share the same goal of protecting the community and taking care of those in it. I have been to the station and met some of them already and they all act the same and have the same sense of humor, and they also use technical terms only used by people within that profession. I don't know if they have a common artifact, but I know when they all get together they talk about all the different stories and experiences they shared together.

Glossing

A theme that I noticed in my outline was I referenced how much online shopping has increased several times. (Both the number of people and the percentage of sales). This kind of surprised me a little bit because I didn't realize while I was writing that I had put that in there so many times. I also noticed that at the end of every paragraph I commented on how I think the topic will affect online shopping or just my thoughts towards the topic in general. I would like to develop this personal voice in the paper much more. And make it more obvious that its me giving these comments and not a source. I might try to do this by adding a relevant story before each comment. The only thing I feel that doesn't exactly fit with my theme is my paragraph about Webkinz. I don't think my point of how this is affected shopping and technology use is coming across. I start telling why I like online shopping and move into statistics and how it has affected the industry. I try to add a personal touch at the end of every paragraph, and at the end I tell another story. I'm not completely satisfied with how I have structured it. I want to tell more stories to make it more interesting because that is why I chose this topic (b/c I have done quite a bit of online shopping). I make a point at the end to mention how technology is such a big deal now, but I think I should stress that in the beginning as well. I don't think I need to eliminate anything because all my paragraphs have a different topic, but I think there is a missing link between why people like online shopping and the affects it is having. Those are the main ideas in my paper and I feel like I need to link them better.

Research Experience

Overall, my researching experience was easy. There were more sources on my specific topic than I was expecting. It still took about an hour, but there were several sources I could have chosen from. The ones I ended up choosing were more economic focused and not just basic information about online shopping. One problem I encountered was the difficulty in finding a credible source. I would think that I had found a good source, Google the author or references really quick and then realize that they had no qualifications. In one instance, the author of the article cited someone who had been charged for lying. I would warn someone that even though the source might fit perfectly with your topic, its not worth having false information. Another thing to watch out for is the date in which it was written. Because my topic has recently become more common, articles written even 5 years ago can be outdated.

Research Topic

My research topic is online shopping and how it has affected the shopping industry (i.e. malls, individual shops). I will also show if it has had a positive or negative affect on the companies who choose to use it.

As I approach this essay, the overall question I am trying to answer is "How has online shopping affected the shopping industry?" There are two aspects to my question. First is the companies who only sell online. I think it is a researchable question especially with the popularity of things like eBay, Overstock, and Amazon. And with technology on the rise, it is important to see if these inventions have caused malls and individually owned shops to lose revenue. That is valuable information that might help us see what shopping will be like in the future. The second aspect has to do with regular stores like Walmart and Target, and how this has affected their sales.

This topic interests me because I do a lot of online shopping. I buy at least one or two Christmas gifts online, and over the past couple years, I have bought my Valentine's Day presents online. I also have several friends who use eBay quite a bit and I am just curious to see how this has affected the companies producing these products. By writing this paper, I hope to have a better understanding of how online shopping works and I hope to find information that will persuade me or discourage me from participating in online shopping. And also because I am a business/finance major, I think learning how to do research on a business related topic will prepare me for future courses and jobs.

First Draft

After reviewing the suggestions and comments from the peer evaluations, the first thing I am going to change is going to be my transition from my first story to the next. Both peers said it was confusing after my introduction because they didn't know if I actually moved or not because I was not totally clear on that. So, to fix it I am going to give a brief synopsis of the moving process. To help with that, I think the point of the essay would be more clear if I gave another specific example of how moving changed me life. I don't know exactly which one I will use yet, but I think I will tell about how my family found out about my school (I went to a small Christian school) after we moved to Farmersville and how it affected me. Also with my next draft, I would like to show more, rather than just telling. That was another suggestion I received and I think that will help lengthen the essay and convey a stronger mental picture that will help the reader understand how these instances changed my life. When an exclamation point appeared on my draft it was always by a good description so I want to add more of those to keep the reader interested.

Personal Essay Topic

My topic for my personal essay is ways my dad has affected my life. I started thinking about this topic when we wrote about the room from our childhood. I wrote about my bedroom in my old house, and it made me think about how my life used to be and how it is now. So, I started wondering what my life would be like if I still lived there. Where would I have gone to high school? What friends would I have? Would I still have come to TCU? While that will be my prime example I will also pull in other examples from my life where a decision or just advice my dad gave me completely changed my life. When brainstorming for examples, the things that have affected me have been small, random incidences, but now when I look back on them seem critical to the development of me as a person. I chose this topic because I'm always wondering what my life would be like had I not moved or had different parents. Observing my dad also makes me think ahead to when I get married and have kids and how I want to raise them. Do I want to raise them the same way? Do I want to marry someone like my dad, who shares the same ideals and beliefs?

Writerly Roles

I play several different roles as a writer. I am a student when I take notes in class, and write my schedule in my planner. My notes have several abbreveations such as "b/c," "&," and "w/out." Because I am usually writing fast, my writing is messier and I write to where only I can read it. However, I am very organized in both taking notes and writing in my planner. My purpose in writing notes is for my own personal benefit as a student. I also take on the role of being a student when I email my professors when I have questions regarding an assignment. This writing style is usually formal, and always contains correct grammar. These emails are usually brief and to the point.

A daughter is another role I play daily because usually my parents and I communicate through email. I try to use correct grammar when talking to them because they like to see that I know how to write. The style and purpose of these emails change depending on which parent I am talking to. Both are conversational, but the emails to my mom are longer because she wants to know more details about my life, and the ones to my dad are usually just a question I have for him or an answer to a question he emailed me.

On facebook, I am a friend to a variety of people. For example, some friends I talk to are ones I played basketball with in elementary school and some are my best friends from high school that have gone to other universities. Others are friends I just met a few months ago at TCU. The style of writing I use is not formal and brief. The typical wall post looks something like this: "Hey girl! How are you doing? I haven't talked to you in so long! We need to get together! Love you!" I

Texting is one the primary ways I communicate on a day-to-day basis. When I text I am a girlfriend, friend and cousin. This is the most informal way I communicate partly because it takes too long to spell out complete words and I don't feel the need to do so because my friends know the text message lingo. The purpose of my text messgages varies from person to person. If I am texting my boyfriend it is because I am either at work or we don't have alot of time to talk and it is most of the time about what we are doing and when we will be able to call next. I am also take on the role of being a girlfriend when I write letters to my boyfriend. Because he is in the Navy, sometimes this is the only way to communicate. These letters are usually more personal in nature and contain alot of thoughts. Next, I only text my TCU friends. The typical text looks like this: "Where are we eating for lunch? Deco/edens/wok?" And finally, I am a cousin when I text. I don't talk to my cousins very often, but when I do its through text messages. There is always a specific reason why we text eachother. Either asking a random question or if we are going to be at the next family get together.

I believe I can write well...

...if I set my mind to it. I think my problem with writing is not because I'm incapable or do not have enough knowledge about writing. I have been taking English for 13 years now, for goodness sake! I think writing requires a mental process that must occur before the actual writing occurs. First, you have to commit to your composition and be determined that you WILL complete this assignment. Second, you have to have confidence that, while the process might be rough and long, the final product will be the best you can do. And finally, I think you have to convince yourself that the journey you're about to embark on isn't as scary as it seems. This step is the hardest for me when beginning to write a paper. I over analyze and over complicate writing assignments so much that I scare myself into thinking that I can't do it or won't have the time to complete it. I'm sure that anxiety could go away by simply starting the assignment ahead of time so I can take my time.

...because I have been taught to write well. All throughout junior high and high school I had phenomenal English teachers that each taught me something different about writing. I can only remember one time when I didn't like my teacher, but I still remember what he taught me. We had to write an allegory in this class, and my first draft was terrible! He gave me some advice but not much. The only thing I remember him telling me was use fresh, original language. So, I went home, got some ideas from my mom, and revised my paper. Although his advice to me was brief and general, I learned that I can take a simple concept like using fresh, original language and really turn a paper around. I also learned how to do a different type of writing style and that sometimes a little extra effort, such as looking up new words, can completely change a paper.

Agreement

I have read the course requirments and agree to the terms of service as listed in the syllabus.

Introduction

My name is Paige and I'm from Farmersville, TX. I'm a freshman finance major and I'm considering minoring or double majoring in Accounting.

I'm taking this class because it is required. I haven't had a class committed solely to writing and/or English since 9th grade, and I normally don't care for English class, so I'm hoping this particular class will make me enjoy writing more. My primary form of writing these days is letters because my boyfriend is at the Naval Academy and sometimes the only way we can communicate is through letters. Next would be email, text messaging, and facebook. I'm satisfied with my writing most of the time. I usually don't have a problem with grammar or spelling, so if I'm having trouble writing something its most likely because I can't find the right words to say or I try to make an assignment too difficult. What's most difficult for me when writing a paper is the introduction. If I try to start with that rather than the body of my paper I get really frustrated and I'm not able to focus on the rest of my essay. This is an area I'm hoping to improve this semester.

My mom has probably had the greatest influence on my writing because I was home schooled for 7 years (K-6th) so she is the one who taught me how to write. She also stayed up late with me countless times finishing papers in junior high and high school. Second to her would be my senior English teacher. I went to him several times throughout the year for help on essays and he really helped me learn how to be concise and say what I want to say in less space, but also dwell on the topics and issues that are worth spending time on. It was an importance balance I had not yet learned.

Usually when writing a paper, I hand write an outline, sometimes general sometimes specific. It just depends on the topic. I then hand write my first draft from my outline. This draft normally does not contain large amounts of detail or quotes. It just gets me headed in the right direction. After that, I type up my written draft and add details. Once I'm happy with the material in the paper, I edit it until I'm pleased with the result. I almost always follow this format. I learned these steps from several different teachers I have had over the years and, as I got older, combined all that I had learned and made my own writing style. For example, my mom always stressed handwriting things, in junior high my teachers wanted us to brainstorm a lot and form outlines, and in high school I had a teacher who emphasized the importance of editing your papers.