FINAL PROJECT!!!! =)

In my argument essay, I tried to convince TCU pre-business students to apply for the Neeley Fellows Program. I wrote it as a letter informing them of the benefits they would receive through this. I focused my paper on three main things: Personal, Connected, and Real which is a slogan of the program.

I decided that something that could combine images and a good amount of words would be most effective in getting my argument across. Since it is not a well known topic and program, just an image would not get across the point very well I don't think. Also, college students don't want to sit down and read something, so, what I have decided to do is make a story board (or an actual video I don't know if I will go that far) for a promotional DVD or commercial advocating this program. I will use pictures from current Neeley Fellows that I am friends with and will record a voice over that and have main words flash across the screen like personal, connected and real. And possibly some quotes. My inspiration was actually the Marine commercials.

Thinking through this whole process made me think through what would most appeal to students. As I thought about my audience and what would be most effective to them, I finally decided to do this rather than just a brochure because young people are very visual and sometimes it takes seeing an image to inspire you to do something. I also thought that by doing a DVD I could expand my audience to prospective TCU business students. Because when I was applying to TCU they sent me all sorts of DVDs that I would much rather see than read a letter about it. I am trying to appeal using pathos because I want them to see what this program can do for you and make them want to join. (just like the marine commercials!)

Topic for Argument Essay

My topic for my argument essay is The Neeley Fellows Program which is a program for Business majors. I want to write about this topic because I am trying to decide whether I want to apply for it in a couple of weeks or not. I don't think I will have any problems finding information about it because since I am a pre-business major, I know upper classmen who are in Neeley Fellows and can give me advice. However, I don't feel like it is a really broad topic that will be hard to cover. This is a very recent and much talked about topic among pre-business majors right now because the forms are due soon. I have heard that some Fellows really discourage people joining because they don't think it is worth it, while others seem to really enjoy it and encourage freshmen to join. Although this is a personal decision that has to be made by each individual, I hope that I can not only help myself find what I should do, but also inform other pre-business majors about what the program is about so they can decide if they want to apply or not.

Ethnographic Essay Topic

The group I am going to research for my ethnographic essay is firefighters/paramedics, specifically Garland Firemen at a particular station (I think its number 6). I decided on this topic because I know someone in the Garland Fire Department and I have visited before and it seems like an interesting group to observe and learn about. I also think they will be very open to me interviewing them and will give me honest responses. It is readily accessible to me since I know one of the fireman, and they all meet at the same station when they work so I will be able to visit it. And obviously I am not a member of this subculture. This fits the qualifications because I know one of the firemen and by talking to him it is apparent that they definitely see themselves as a distinct group, not just of firemen but they also distinguish themselves by station. They all share the same goal of protecting the community and taking care of those in it. I have been to the station and met some of them already and they all act the same and have the same sense of humor, and they also use technical terms only used by people within that profession. I don't know if they have a common artifact, but I know when they all get together they talk about all the different stories and experiences they shared together.

Glossing

A theme that I noticed in my outline was I referenced how much online shopping has increased several times. (Both the number of people and the percentage of sales). This kind of surprised me a little bit because I didn't realize while I was writing that I had put that in there so many times. I also noticed that at the end of every paragraph I commented on how I think the topic will affect online shopping or just my thoughts towards the topic in general. I would like to develop this personal voice in the paper much more. And make it more obvious that its me giving these comments and not a source. I might try to do this by adding a relevant story before each comment. The only thing I feel that doesn't exactly fit with my theme is my paragraph about Webkinz. I don't think my point of how this is affected shopping and technology use is coming across. I start telling why I like online shopping and move into statistics and how it has affected the industry. I try to add a personal touch at the end of every paragraph, and at the end I tell another story. I'm not completely satisfied with how I have structured it. I want to tell more stories to make it more interesting because that is why I chose this topic (b/c I have done quite a bit of online shopping). I make a point at the end to mention how technology is such a big deal now, but I think I should stress that in the beginning as well. I don't think I need to eliminate anything because all my paragraphs have a different topic, but I think there is a missing link between why people like online shopping and the affects it is having. Those are the main ideas in my paper and I feel like I need to link them better.

Research Experience

Overall, my researching experience was easy. There were more sources on my specific topic than I was expecting. It still took about an hour, but there were several sources I could have chosen from. The ones I ended up choosing were more economic focused and not just basic information about online shopping. One problem I encountered was the difficulty in finding a credible source. I would think that I had found a good source, Google the author or references really quick and then realize that they had no qualifications. In one instance, the author of the article cited someone who had been charged for lying. I would warn someone that even though the source might fit perfectly with your topic, its not worth having false information. Another thing to watch out for is the date in which it was written. Because my topic has recently become more common, articles written even 5 years ago can be outdated.

Research Topic

My research topic is online shopping and how it has affected the shopping industry (i.e. malls, individual shops). I will also show if it has had a positive or negative affect on the companies who choose to use it.

As I approach this essay, the overall question I am trying to answer is "How has online shopping affected the shopping industry?" There are two aspects to my question. First is the companies who only sell online. I think it is a researchable question especially with the popularity of things like eBay, Overstock, and Amazon. And with technology on the rise, it is important to see if these inventions have caused malls and individually owned shops to lose revenue. That is valuable information that might help us see what shopping will be like in the future. The second aspect has to do with regular stores like Walmart and Target, and how this has affected their sales.

This topic interests me because I do a lot of online shopping. I buy at least one or two Christmas gifts online, and over the past couple years, I have bought my Valentine's Day presents online. I also have several friends who use eBay quite a bit and I am just curious to see how this has affected the companies producing these products. By writing this paper, I hope to have a better understanding of how online shopping works and I hope to find information that will persuade me or discourage me from participating in online shopping. And also because I am a business/finance major, I think learning how to do research on a business related topic will prepare me for future courses and jobs.

First Draft

After reviewing the suggestions and comments from the peer evaluations, the first thing I am going to change is going to be my transition from my first story to the next. Both peers said it was confusing after my introduction because they didn't know if I actually moved or not because I was not totally clear on that. So, to fix it I am going to give a brief synopsis of the moving process. To help with that, I think the point of the essay would be more clear if I gave another specific example of how moving changed me life. I don't know exactly which one I will use yet, but I think I will tell about how my family found out about my school (I went to a small Christian school) after we moved to Farmersville and how it affected me. Also with my next draft, I would like to show more, rather than just telling. That was another suggestion I received and I think that will help lengthen the essay and convey a stronger mental picture that will help the reader understand how these instances changed my life. When an exclamation point appeared on my draft it was always by a good description so I want to add more of those to keep the reader interested.