First Draft

After reviewing the suggestions and comments from the peer evaluations, the first thing I am going to change is going to be my transition from my first story to the next. Both peers said it was confusing after my introduction because they didn't know if I actually moved or not because I was not totally clear on that. So, to fix it I am going to give a brief synopsis of the moving process. To help with that, I think the point of the essay would be more clear if I gave another specific example of how moving changed me life. I don't know exactly which one I will use yet, but I think I will tell about how my family found out about my school (I went to a small Christian school) after we moved to Farmersville and how it affected me. Also with my next draft, I would like to show more, rather than just telling. That was another suggestion I received and I think that will help lengthen the essay and convey a stronger mental picture that will help the reader understand how these instances changed my life. When an exclamation point appeared on my draft it was always by a good description so I want to add more of those to keep the reader interested.